Greetings and Salutations viewer & welcome

When out there beating your way through the multitude of mindless cattle only known & referred to as "the public" take a moment to reflect on these words of wisdom.

1) The assistant at the till is your friend, make their day easier by being POLITE (for a change) unlike you they have been behind the till point for a few hours & at this time of year have already said "HI THERE" well over 500 times only to have been responded to a handful of times. A majority of the time the pleb in the queue grunts something & thrusts the item(s) & preferred method of payment towards the till operator, while you may want to get in & out of the crush of other shoppers around you the person on the other side of the till does not have this option. IT is a very SOUL DESTROYING time & unfeasibly hard being perky ALL the time even under the influence of caffeine & Prozac few shop staff can manage it. A little politeness goes a long way.

2) When returning items to the place of purchase DO NOT try to quote Consumer Trading Law to the person dealing with your transaction if it doesn't seem to be going your way. UNLESS you are a lawyer specialising in Consumer law or a prospective lawyer going into the Field of Consumer law you will

a) more than likely GET IT WRONG

b) only succeed in winding up the person (who to be honest) paid to help you get what you want

c) give the impression to the public around you that you are a completely useless waste of the gene pool, Someone who is not even worth the precious oxygen they are breathing or just a complete fuck wit.

The person dealing with your goods issues (not mental ones) is in most instances NOT authorised to make actually decisions on handing cash back & is more than likely just giving you the spiel from what ever company they work for, save time by just asking for the senior member of staff in the place of purchase. you ARE NOT demeaning the sales assistant / till operator in any way shape or form IN FACT most sales assistants / till operators will readily go find the manager for you in an attempt to get out of dealing with a potential fuck wit with half a brain barely able to utter double syllable words, after all why should they take your grief, they have been stood behind the till ALL day dealing with ungrateful morons who shouldn't have the right to breathe the same air as them, who are you to them other than an angry version of what they have seen all day.

3) When asked by the sales assistant IF you need any help DO NOT say NO even though you clearly do, most sales assistants are trained to spot you as a potential "lost customer" it's demeaning to imply they are not good at what they do by refusing their help. At the end of the day the FASTEST way to get in and out of the stores you need to be in at Xmas is to find a member of staff. its common sense really because

a) they know where almost everything is in their shop.

b) they can use areas of the store you cant to get to the stuff you want

c) they are more likely to be aware of any promotions going on in store that are relevant to your purchase

d) will be happy to do something other than get told NO by a thousand morons who think they know better than the person OFFERING to help them.

4) Whilst walking around the store DO NOT pull & pick the little white security strips on the product. Doing this has many implications that you may OR may not be aware of.

a) The store detective will be watching you like a hawk just waiting for you to remove the tag pocket the goods & try to leave, stuff like that makes most tinpot dictators days. Nothing cheers them up more than to Arrest a petty thief using their 5 fingered discount.

b) You run the risk of a potential Banning form the store for criminal damages to the goods within your place of purchase. Yes removing the little white strip placed their by the store is there for a reason. Unfortunately for most shoppers that reason Isn't to mindlessly play with it as it makes an amusing crack crack noise when peeled off the plastic.

c) You also run the risk of being passed onto every store detective on the shopping network for being a potential petty thief & thereby being followed in EVERY store you go into. All they need is a reason to do it, playing with the ANTI theft devices on product is a perfect reason.

5) when exiting the place of purchase DO NOT make a "Beep Beep" noise as if you are the stores barrier alarm firstly you are not a barrier alarm, secondly sorry to burst your bubble BUT you are NOT the first moron to do it, not by a long shop, thirdly ITS NOT FUNNY... finally you just look like a complete tw@t when you do it.

6) The customer is always right... HOWEVER the Member of staff is NEVER wrong. bear this in mind.....

BUT why should I heed any of this advice I know you are thinking, clearly the assistants in the shops are their purely for the money, they clearly are Inferior to me as they work in retail, Retail is easy even a trained monkey could do it, well if you think ANY of that then you are one of the mindless masses. Retail actually pays Pittance it really really does, most retail staff earn around the 12k a year mark for a 35 hour week, . AND if you think retail is EASY then you stand in the high street or shopping mall for hours on end taking abuse from complete strangers then go home only to return for the same thing the next day & the day after & the day after. Lets see how long you take it. The staff are there because they have a real interest in the product they sell think about it, IF you have a real interest in music you work in a music store as you will more than likely be able to obtain discount on the stuff you spend most of your cash on enabling you to by more of the music your interested in.... IF you work in a clothes store then you clearly have an interest in fashion & the same theory applies.

I'm not saying retail staff are heroes FAR from it. Nor am i saying they are the Hardest working group of people in ANY industry what I am saying is a little common sense, respect & politeness GO further than you as a member of the purchasing public will ever realise, So go easy on the sales assistant after all they are there to assist you NOT be your emotional punchbag for when you have a bad hair day.

Thank you for you time in reading this, may it enlighten your shopping experiences.